I present to you, A Perfect Horse's Wang!

60/60/60. Dreams do come true children, they really do. Warden’s horse is fully upgraded, that makes 4 complete horses.

So what’s an ESO fanboi to do???

Start a 5th character. DragonKnight is created. Time to repeat the process all over again. Honestly, I can’t fathom how you slackers can stand a horse this slow. It’s painful.


Can you sell those horses on some sort of marketplace in game?

Because just logging in to take care of it is a chore. Even if you leave your room at the stable it isn’t a quick loading process in. To me at least.


No, it’s just your characters mount. The stats work for any mount that character chooses. It’s just another gold sink in game, log in and buy an upgrade for 250 gold.

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I spent $20 in the crown store on riding speed books just so I could move semi normally when I started my newest toon. I couldn’t handle how slow it was after running max level mounts.

I keep my horse slow on purpose. Nothing is more fun than seeing Lala stop to make sure everyone is following only for them to be chasing squirrels or lagging behind and the rage that comes from it. When playing PVE I rarely use the damn thing so I go for weight for the inventory slots.


No shit, half the reason I don’t run ESO events anymore. Following a crown on map is apparently very challenging.

As for upgrade order, I usually go for inventory first. I may buy some speed upgrades if I’m playing the character. Most of the time I level them up to about 30 and just go back to my 2 50s.

So I do Inventory first, then speed and finally Stamina.

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Depends on my toon. For my tank, I’ve been focusing on stamina on the mount so I get the little bonus that comes with it. Otherwise it’s speed all the way. Speed plus the DB riding perk makes zones easy to pass through.

While that’s very impressive an all, I still have to voice my disappointment over the lack of advertised wang.


here ya go


Someone logged in daily to upgrade that.

The fifth and final fully upgraded horse wang… that is until they make a sixth class.

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And now my newest (and abandoned) character has a fully perfect horse wang. It’s for the Necromancer and I’m not too crazy about the class but OCD enough to log in and buy the daily upgrade.